Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
