my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
