i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
