It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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