She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
