hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
