all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
