I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
