I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
