Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im about as happy as oj after his trial
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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