Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
