that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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