ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
