Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
