I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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