It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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