maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
