so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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