just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
