OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
