I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
