Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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