he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
should my penis look like a turkey
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
