he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
