i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
