i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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