I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
