So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
