fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
