I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize