Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
