What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
