Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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