There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
