It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
