i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
