i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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