Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
