it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
