I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize