guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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