i can't believe i had my finger in that
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
