Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
