I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
