Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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