wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
