Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
