happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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