who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
