So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
