I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
