Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I didn't notice because vodka
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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