You just made me feel so damn special
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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