from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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