Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
