also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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