I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
