I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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