I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i think im in europe. pls send help
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
