Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
