i just had sex bonerless
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
