i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
