The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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