Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
