We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
