i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize