Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
