Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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