So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
