cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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