I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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