I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
