he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
