Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
