I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
