PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
