I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
