mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
love makes seman taste better
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
